Are You A Good Coach?

As much as I dislike going to doctors, I guess it’s time I admit if I’m going to live any longer I need to put my trust in a good general practitioner. It happened to me again last week, that denial that something is going wrong in the body and it needs an attentive hand before it gets out of hand. But no, I can ride this thing out without a doctor. Wrong!! It’s amazing how a microscopic bug can take over the body, cause an infection and essentially shut down the whole digestive process. The body is a team effort and when one player goes down it’s time for the coach to make a decision. As a coach I haven’t been making very good decisions lately nor paying the attention I ought to my players. Life and health is a fragile thing, and old age ain’t for sissy’s, so I guess it’s about time I admit I need help with my general health and stop being so macho about the whole thing. Needless to say, I was very ill last week and recovering this week with some high-powered medicine. For best results, engage brain and use.
Before he was terminated by the Dallas Cowboys football team, Coach Barry Switzer was seeking advice all around the NFL on what ingredient makes for a winning football team. He eventually sought out Steve Mariucci of the San Francisco Forty-Niners, who told him the MOST important thing to having a winning football team was to have a quarterback who was extremely smart. As proof he took him over to quarterback, Steve Young, and asked Steve this question: “Who is you father’s brother’s nephew?” Steve Young, without hesitating a moment answered, “I am”. When Switzer returned to the Cowboys practice facilities, he went over to Troy Aikman and asked him the same question: “Who is your father’s brother’s nephew?” Troy thought about it for a moment and told the coach he needed some more time to come up with the right answer. Then, Troy went to Deion Sanders and asked him the question. Deion immediately replied, “Why, I am”. So Troy Aikman went back to Coach Switzer and said, “I have the answer. It’s Deion Sanders”. Switzer giggled and said, “No, No, you’re wrong. It’s Steve Young.” Not much has changed, has it.
A customer service representative for a national pager company received an unusual complaint on the phone one day. It seems a man keeps getting paged by a “Lucille”, somebody he doesn’t know and doesn’t want his wife to see. The rep instructed the man to simply call her and ask her to stop paging him. “She don’t never leave no number, so I can’t call her back”, replied the irritated customer. The rep asked how he knew it was Lucille if she didn’t leave a number. “She leaves her name”, was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager the rep asked the customer to spell her name for him. Very slowly and methodically the customer said, “L-O-W-C-E-L-L.”
[Ephesians 6: 10-18] We use everything from vitamins to antibiotics to fend off unwanted germs and viruses harmful to our body, but what about our spirit? Paul talks about our war with spiritual forces always trying to invade our nature of love and kindness and goodness. When we let them in, we become like the world, and lose the image of God, of which we are made. Paul says, “Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Beware!

All I Hear Is Buzzing

I wonder if the insect world gets as annoyed with buzzing cicadas as we sometimes do with barking dogs. There’s nothing worse than flip flopping in bed because of a barking dog in the neighbor’s backyard, which happens to be right under your bedroom window. The prehistoric urge to kill boils up in thought, but a simple “shut up – go lay down” generally quiets the pup and a word with the neighbor solves the problem. I wonder what a spider does when a cicada moves in next door for a week or two. All that buzzing would drive me crazy. Cicadas live underground for up to fifteen years, supposedly, living on tree root fluids. The mature cicada digs its way to the surface to date and mate for two weeks, and then dies. By the way, the male cicada is the one making all the noise trying to attract a female’s attention. My bunkmate took up making strange noises in her sleep a few years ago, I probably do the same, but it was enough to wake me often in the night. Earplugs have solved the problem, but now I don’t hear the alarm clock. Going to sleep at night and waking in the morning is getting complicated with age. I’m still getting up on my own, that’s a plus for sure.
Diet and exercise seems to be the buzz everywhere today. A secretary engaged in such a conversation said, “I’ve started a new exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning.” The others in the group didn’t seem impressed. She continued, “That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit the snooze button so many times.”
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey, but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, still half asleep, eyes closed, the first time and every time after that. Amazing!
[2 Chronicles 7:14] “…if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin and will heal their land.” This is what the Lord said to Solomon about the use of the temple. “…But if you turn away and forsake the decrees and commands I have given you and go off to serve other gods and worship them, then I will uproot you from my land.” “…When people ask why has the Lord done such a thing to this land and to this temple; People will answer, ‘Because they have forsaken the Lord, the God of their fathers; …and have embraced other gods worshipping and serving them, that is why he has brought all this disaster on them’” (v. 19-22) 1 Corinthians 3: 16-17 says, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.” Which case do you think God will recognize as a genuine plead for the healing of our land? 1 – Become a raving fool calling for the burning of a certain group of believer’s book of rites, in the name of God or, 2 - Become a humble dedicated believer in the power of prayer and know that God will do the heavy work. All our complaining and bickering and scheming, trying to solve our political problems is nothing but buzzing in the ear of God. Do you love our land enough to pray for it? If we don’t start petitioning God, the foundation of this country, according to his will not ours, God will uproot us rather than heal us. Put your gods aside for one minute and pray to God for healing peace.

Wicked and Lazy

I’m certainly glad that’s over with! August I mean. The month of August has a way of bringing the laziness out in me, big time. I think I remember something about the dog days of summer and if they’re in August, I guess that’s why this dog doesn’t hunt in the heat. When the thermometer grows to 90 degrees I start slowing down and when it tops 100 degrees you’ll find me under the porch taking a nap with Rover. The problem with taking the month of August off is that the housework suffers severely. I took inventory the other day and discovered I had tree limbs on the ground, grass growing tall and the house air conditioner giving up under the pressure. As Charlie Brown would say, “AWK”! I’ll soon have to get up off my lazy side and get back to my domestic chores as it’s rumored a cold-front and a little rain is headed our way.
A new attorney in town had just opened up his office. He was concerned about building a clientele and as he heard someone at the door, then saw it opening, he grabbed up the phone receiver thinking that he must impress this prospective client that he was busy. Pretending he had someone on the phone he said, “Well, I’m very sorry, but it will be at least two weeks, due to my present case load, before I could possibly take your case.” He put down the receiver and asked the man now standing in front of his desk, “Yes sir, and what can I do for you?” The man grinned and said, “I’m here to hook up your phone.”
A man left work one Friday afternoon, but instead of going home he stayed out the whole weekend playing golf with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. Sunday night, when he finally appeared at home, he was confronted by his very angry wife who barraged him for nearly two hours with a tirade for his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which the husband replied, “That would be fine with me.” Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Wednesday brought the same results. Then on Thursday the swelling went down enough he could see her just a little out of the corner of one eye.
After the sermon, a gentleman came up to the preacher and said, “My wife said I should come apologize to you. I guess I was rude. I talked all the way through your sermon. But I really didn’t mean to. It’s just that sometimes I talk in my sleep.”
[Matthew 25: 14-30] “…And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” We have all been given talents and blessings that God expects us to work with to bring about a return in his name. Most people don’t give it a second thought to use their talents and blessings in the name of our Lord to teach the truth of God. Instead they use them only to their own benefit not thinking of the welfare of others along the way. Is it okay to gain from your talents and blessings? You bet. God has nothing against gain, but he does have a problem when we forget where it came from and we call it “mine”. Are you a Christian, a child of God? Are you using your talents and blessings to rescue others from this sinful world? Do you hide your talents and blessings for fear of making an embarrassing mistake or losing part of what “belongs” to you? The master said to that person, “You wicked, lazy servant!” I’d rather make mistakes and lose it all, than be called wicked and lazy.